While ‘ignoring’ is indisputably effective it is by no means easy. Ask the ‘Ammi’ who has to pretend not to notice while four year old Shevin throws a tantrum on the floor flinging his toys about and wailing magnificently! Hence, let me share some practical tips to help parents ignore with success:

Choose specific behaviors to ignore and make sure they are ones you can ignore. They must be ones where parental attention is the primary reinforcer (e.g.: picky/messy eating, swearing, facial grimaces, protests when prohibited from doing something).

Limit the number of behaviours to ignore – choose one or two and be consistent. Ignore these misbehaviours every time they occur. Large scale ignoring will make the child feel neglected.

Avoid eye contact and discussion when ignoring. Don’t glare, grimace, comment or let the child know the misbehaviour is affecting you, instead neutralise your reaction (especially your facial expression) and physically move away from the child; but if possible stay in the room.

Be subtle – don’t make exaggerated gestures.

Ignore all the child’s verbalisations – give no verbal contact.

Ignore immediately.

Distract the child as soon as she starts behaving appropriately.

Return attention as soon as misbehaviour stops…smile, talk, look for behaviour to praise...

Pay attention to positive behaviors. If you’re ignoring ‘whining’ make a conscious effort to praise when the child ‘speaks and asks nicely’. It’s important to focus on the positive behaviour you want to see replace the problem one being ignored. If two children are present when one is misbehaving, give your attention to the one behaving appropriately – but don’t compare!

Be prepared for testing. Rest assured the ignored behaviour will become worse before better!